I Love Me Too

Today I choose to love myself in a balanced way. In this I am free.

We all have suffered the torment of insecurity in our lives on one level or another. With our insecurities comes resentment of self. When we build resentment of ourselves, healthy self-love leaves us. If we don’t love ourselves we are inevitably left hurt and void. When we are left void of something as vital as love, we do damage to our spiritual health.

So when our spiritual health suffers, we go and seek a band-aid of sorts to cover it. We over eat, we over exercise, we shop excessively, we do drugs, we do all kinds of crazy stuff and we justify it. Some of us get into abusive relationships to affirm our worthlessness. Some just avoid relationships all together because they do not feel worthy of another person’s love and affection.

You should not get into relationships because you need others to like you or make me feel better about yourself. That is most certainly not what I am saying. If you don’t love yourself for who you are, you automatically and inherently don’t expect others to love you. Even though you know it would be nice to receive the love of others, you can’t really receive their love, because you don’t love yourself. So in my opinion if you don’t love yourself you cannot receive the love of another.

Because you question you real value as a person, you can’t accept that others would love you for who you are. Some people think in this way: “I don’t love myself so why would someone else see value in me and love me for me?”

So when we get “close” to others, all we do is try to avoid hurt and rejection instead of just accepting that someone likes you for who you are. Allow yourself to experience love unconditionally.

Unconditional love is when you are loved for who you are and not for what you do or how you perform. Love with conditions is no love at all. Conditional love is when you say...”well; I’ll love him better when he starts being more open with me...or I will love her more when she stops telling me what to do”...that is conditional love.

I once found myself saying, oh I love you, but some days you make it really hard for me to love you. That is no love at all. I was allowing a situation to put restriction on my love relationship. Not cool!

Look at your own life more boldly and honestly and know that you have flaws and make mistakes. If that is true for you it is more than likely true for the next person too.

So as from today – choose to love yourself unconditionally. Not in a selfish self absorbed way, but in a balanced way. Love yourself in such a way that is becomes easier for you to love those that you thought did not deserve your love before.

We cant deserve the love of God, yet He loves us unconditionally.

Today I choose to love myself in a balanced way. God loves me and I receive His love right now. In this I am free!

Reflecting on 2010

So let me think about my life as it wa this year. In all fairness and honesty, I have to say; it has been a very challenging year for me. On a scale from 1 – 5 – what would I rate it? Ok; 1 being peachy and 5 being deplorable….let me see… I give my year 2010 a 5. It really could not get any worse.

But, as I am rather optimistic about life in general, I choose to look at the bright side of life rather than the deplorable. As my mom said: “if life hands you lemons…give back and take what you want instead…nah she didn’t, I just made that up.

On the plus side. My business Cedelink went into office this year. My team and I really enjoyed the excitement of designing corporate image. We decided on the ceder tree as part of our logo. The tree in my life has always represented strength, versatility, refuge, provision. Think about what a tree can do…hence I decided to go with the tree. Besides, I believe it was by divine guidance that I got to the tree – so I take no credit for the wisdom in that.

As I come from a historically disadvantaged upbringing – the less fortunate will always have a special and permanent place in my heart. This year I went to Zimbabwe and served on a mission trip with Joyce Meyer Ministries I & met Darlene Zschech. She is truly an amazing woman with a presence that inspires awe.

Another plus of excitement for ,e is that I’ve joined Hillsong evening college here in Cape Town. The course includes subjects on Bible, Leadership, Lifestyle and Theology.

We celebrated the love of 2 great friends of mine Tania & Darren who got married in September and I had the honour of being MC and coordinator for the entire event. I love the spot light…but Tania and Darren stole the show by far…

Then in October my newborn niece Giana joined the family. Her mom (my sis) and dad allowed me to name her. Giana is Hebrew, meaning God is gracious. Her dad thought it appropriate for us to name her so, as she came a little premature. This all after my aunts 60th surprise birthday celebration. That night, her mom and I were chatting and her mom had little cramps and I rubbed her back and spoke to my niece. I think the excitement of hearing her uncle’s voice she had to come that night. Yeah I know, I have that effect on people…when they hear my voice, they want to be around me. (note to self…you sound vane….note back to self…I know)

Anyway…as you can tell, I had all the reason this year to much rather look at the bright side of life. Every dark tunnel has an end…mine was 31 December 2010. Now for the bright light that awaits me in 2011. I’m going for GOLD!

Stumbling Blocks

From time to time life can drive you mad – making you feel abandoned, without help and alone. Whilst I’m writing this blog; going through an exceptionally challenging time in my life - both personally and professionally. Sometimes it feels as if we take 1 step forward just to be pushed 2 steps back. This scenario is all too familiar to me. What’s the diagnosis? Well, sometimes it’s as plain as fear of change. We can get so set in our ways that we forget to look at changing our options.

Change is the one thing I know to be constant. We can try all we want to come against the wave of change, but we must realise we will not succeed. Change is inevitable as we as human beings are designed to be evolutionary. If we want to survive and live a relatively stress free life, we must accept the things we cannot change. Go with the current of change instead of against it. This way – less effort to overcome the stumbling blocks.

When we come against these stumbling blocks, we tend to become downcast or even disheartened. At this stage we’re just about ready to throw in the towel, geared up to engage in a pity party and ask...why me? About now in the challenge you would feel it would be easier to give up. But that is the problem right there – it’s too easy to give up. In my humble opinion stumbling blocks are the future “in hind sight” lessons.

We don’t want to experience challenges due to fear of failure - alas it’s the challenges that makes us strong. Why do we fear failure? We fear failure, because that is how we were programmed in school. Growing up we learn that failure is bad. If you failed at anything at school, you could be sure that there would be penalty – or even punishment! Challenge + fear = failure which is the equivalent of weak. Right? Wrong!

Fear of failure restricts us, no end. Fear of failure makes us hate stumbling blocks. Fear of stumbling blocks cause us to become complacent and content with mediocrity. Failure in my humble opinion makes us stronger providing we learn from our mistakes.

For my part; I enjoy dreaming. Most my goals are based on dreams. If you can conceive it, work hard at it and you can be it. I would like to encourage you to bring what’s full of meaning; deep within your heart to the light. HOW? Don’t give up on your dreams and or goals. Have courage. Keep having faith in the results while riding through the storm.

Keep believing in your ability to reach your dreams and realising your goals – even if it is against all odds. Don’t give up on yourself or your dreams. Look your stumbling blocks square in the eyes. Find a confidant, mentor or sounding board and talk about your challenges – every one goes through ups and downs. For greater results see the finish line and visualise how all things will work out for the greater good of all concerned. Do what you do with the benefits for others in mind too. Even if people let you down, don’t give up.

Understand being let down is part of life and that it aids you growing stronger and wiser. Believe in your ability to gain victory. Victory comes in time. Every step, every leap of faith takes you closer to fulfilling your dreams and destination. Even with the stumbling blocks. Best wishes!

Sweet Things

Someone who takes pleasure in eating sweet treats is referred to a sweet tooth. These folk more often than not find their daily fixes already at the break of day with fruit, yoghurt, cereal, sugar in coffee, etc. Then comes teatime – and you’ll catch them in with a muffin, toast/crackers with jam, biscuits, etc in hand. Does this sound familiar or is it only my diet that consists of these sorts of sugary foods?

I live a very active daily life. My schedule is busy socially, active in business as well as within voluntary organisations. This of course leaves me feeling well rewarded, yet often tired. I try and go to gym at least 3 days a week (if my schedule allows) too, so I need to stick to a healthy diet. My diet usually consists of fibre, protein, carbohydrates and good fats. I stay away from deep friend junk food as much as possible.

However, I have a sweet tooth that often leaves me desperate. I love chocolates, cup cakes, fudge, ice-cream and dessert of all sorts. As South African’s we have a huge variety of confectionery treats as we are truly a rainbow nation getting our influence from all over the world. My late gran was a baker of note, so growing up we were spoilt for choice with homemade treats. This spoiling unfortunately left deep tracks in my habits today still. In fact, as I write this blog I am eating chocolates and have polished a chunk of fudge after my evening meal.

Now, there is nothing wrong with enjoying sweet things, as long as its not an obsession or some sort of addiction. Listen to me justifying ...I fear I am closer to addiction and further surpassed obsession.

Relationships

I come from a very loving family back ground. Our financial position may not always have allowed us the means to buy each other cool gifts, but we learned how to show love to one another without reservation. As siblings we hug and kiss each other all the time and are never uncomfortable in showing affection. It's also the little things that count, like sending each other encouraging sms's or "love-emails". Sometimes we treat each other to a home cooked lunch, from time to time a braai or whatever creative way comes to mind. We never buy each other gifts we cannot afford - and most certainly don't buy each other stuff we don't need. Loving each other come naturally to us - especially the siblings. Love is not commercial and cannot be bought.

(in the pic - my sisters and me at our youngest sister's [school] valedictory)


Because of this foundation of love I have received at home, I have a natural confidence in who I am. It is good to surround one's self with lovable people as it boosts self esteem and grants confidence to give and receive love. How are we supposed to love people out there if we have not experienced love at home?I challenge you to love your family more. Love in relationships (family, friendship, romance, professional, etc.) is an important basis for respect, growth and development. Love, (I'm afraid to say) has been cheapened. People confess love too easily...oh I love your car, I love your hat, oh I love your smile, I love your life, I love Whitney Houston, I love chocolate, etc, etc.

A while ago, I met someone that did not get love, affection, and attention she desired or needed from her family. When we met, she was exposed to my friends and family who loves naturally. My new friend was completely smitten by this exposure of pure and healthy levels of love she was now welcomed into. She could not believe that people are really able to love the way we do. She wanted to be a part of this love revolution she now was exposed to - and we wanted her in on it too.

However, this story has a sad twist to it. My new friend became selfish and possessive and did not want to share me with anyone anymore. She also did not like me sharing my love with my other friends - in case I run out of love for our friendship and even her. Her selfish ways made our relationship septic. Things became so bad that this friend started idolising me. I knew I was heading for trouble and the need for intervention was imminent.

This lady (friend I am sharing about) wanted me to deal with and address her every emotional need. She wanted me to edify her and affirm her several times a day - and if I didn't, all hell would break loose. Of course i couldn't understand her need or relate to her insecurity. So, (to add to the challenge) during the time we were developing and nurturing a friendship, I met (by design) a young boy who (through sad and unfortunate circumstances) ended up being homeless and living on the streets. This youngster (15 years old at the time) has had a good upbringing, good schooling and is well spoken. He made a big impression on me and I was convicted to help him. As I started mentoring and caring for this youth, my friend started feeling neglected. To make a very long story short (perhaps another blog) my lady friend started "elbowing" the youth out the way. He was (I assume by her actions) taking up her place in my life, so he had to go...She started looking for all sorts of reasons and excuses not to have the young one around. She acted out in many ways that made her appear jealous and insecure. We all have a level of insecurity and jealousy within us, and should never allow it to overpower us or ruin our relations with others.

Consequently; dear reader, my lady friend inadvertently sabotaged our relationship. Now it is possible that there are many other reasons we may arrive at to justify the failed relationship, but I tell you the truth - she sabotaged the relationship. Because she was not used to being loved, she did not understand how to deal with the love she received. She started telling people all kinds of stories making her appear the victim and me the villain. When you don't know how to give or receive love, life can seem a very dim, but often hostile place. I still am able to love my lady friend, even though our friendship is endangered.

This account is just one (most recent) example i can use from what I have observed and experienced. In my 36 years in this life I have observed many such and similar cases. I enjoy observing and studying people and behaviour. The truth is, it is time we take off our rosy coloured glasses and admit that we are hurting ourselves and maybe even allowing ourselves to be hurt. Hurting people hurt people. What makes me an expert? Life does - live and learn on this journey.

Pride stops us from forgiving, admitting it's our fault and saying I'm sorry. My friend is not able to see that she is hurting me, herself and our friendship, because, these to her are normal challenges. Come on Donny, what's the big deal, let's forget about it (for now). Let's go for a coffee, a drink, dinner and it will be forgotten (for now). No can't do lady friend - fix what is broke (within) first. I love you, but cannot be a part of a destructive relationship. Forgive me, but I don't enjoy hurting you or being hurt by you....we should move on. Let us uproot pride and replace it with humility so love may flourish for goodness sake. That's how can we make things better in this life?

Destroy pride, before it does you...

I give myself the right to love others and I allow myself to receive love from others.

What’s going on?
For the past few months I have been actively setting up my business. I have found 2 partners and meeting with various potential associates. Starting up a business can be fun and at the same time challenging.

The Legal dynamics:
Getting the business registered took me the better part of three months and that is simply because CIPRO had a back log of months. Only when we have received our registration documents could we open up our bank account. And only once we have opened up a bank account could we apply for tax clearance. Tax clearance has also taken up the best of 10 weeks now. Without a tax clearance certificate we can forget about doing tenders.

People dynamics:
And while all the bureaucracy is in process, my partners and I are setting up business systems, prototypes and encounetring miner personality clashes and insignificant power struggles.

Business dynamics:
This case I believe is only in preparation for what awaits this business. My vision has been given to me by supernatural intervention and I am to cause a revolution in the business world with the products and services our business offers. We believe that the human capital is what drive business and that the two are co-dependant. This may seem like an obvious statement to make, but the current state of affairs proofs the opposite. Labour in RSA is still seen as a commodity by many instead of a fair trade of skills/time for money. We have an empowerment model that we will implement that will change the cause of events in business.

It is true that SMME drives the economy and also decreases the level of unemployment. However, the sad reality is that more than 80% of all SMME are liquidated or deregistered within the 1st five years of their existence. I personally believe that this is based on simple reasons of mismanagement and greed.

I trust and believe that business in Cape Town will influence business in South Africa which will have an effect on Africa to show the world we are not irrelevant! Can I hear an Amen.

Africa – My Heritage

People refer to me as coloured, because I was born and placed into a group. This “group” is segregated by and amongst themselves and others.

My heart tells me I’m a man born into a land – Africa – therefore I am an African!

Someone once said; “to thine own self be true...”

If we cannot stand up for ourselves and what we believe in, then what are we living for. As God is my source and my refuse, I must honour and fulfil my purpose here on earth to the best of my ability. I must identify with myself and not be what “they” tell me to be. I am an African man!

My heart is for God on this continent; in my Motherland – Africa!

An Update

My year has been absolutely awesome thus far, despite having had to deal with a broken heart that just would not heal. Be it safe to say, I’m on the road of recovery and I have learned so much about myself and my weakness. For instance, in order to heal completely you need to dress your wound, and in order to dress your wound, you actually have to acknowledge that you have been hurt...something new to me indeed.
I guess this is all due to the new relationship I have managed to shape over the past year or so. Yeah, since I have given my life to the Lord, without reservation, I started living a life with less stress and less external dictation we so often succumb to in this world.

I’ve decided to sacrifice my entire Sunday this year to serving in church and I have most certainly reaped great rewards therefore. However I also had to make many sacrifices. No lunches with the family on Sunday afternoon, no drives out with my best friends, no braai’s or picnics, no chilling in bed with a book or afternoon naps, but also no regrets.

I do want to apologise to my family and friends if you feel neglected at this stage. At the same time I want to thank you for your patience, love and continuous support and for still including me in invitations alas you know I might have to say no. I love you!

The initial company I have started this year did some great work, my partners and I met some awesome people and we connected on astonishing levels. Sadly however, our lives just took a different course and our priorities changed and the business Uyangisiza Africa Consultants did not flourish as we had hoped it would. Well, you win some and you lose some. Some would see this venture as a failure; I prefer to look at it as a spring board for greater things that lies ahead for all of us.

I have endeavoured to work with a life coach who has thus far helped me look at my life and my business in a whole new and constructive manner. More on this a little later...

Church has really taken up centre of my life and I am truly blessed to have met so many interesting and loving people. I don’t remember if ever my life was this anchored and secured. Every Sunday morning I am up early to make my way merrily to church to meet with my team that serves faithfully with me every week. I got so used to seeing them all on a Sunday morning, meeting for a prayer and a chat over a cup of coffee. I have had challenges this year in business and family and my spiritual family would pray with me and for as sure as you are reading this, I would find solace, comfort and have breakthrough, but most importantly...I would not stress about it. Have I found some form of immunity to stress? Yes! His name is Jesus Christ who says we can do ALL things through HIM who strengthens us.

I am also leading a men’s connect group. A connect group is what is most commonly known as cell groups. Here too I have learned the power of confidential sharing of concerns in every day life. The guys have accepted me with so much honour, brotherly love and liberty. We learn so much from one another in our meetings and awesome relationships and bonds are being shaped.

Now; anyone that knows anything about me knows that I am a man that reveres my God 1st and foremost. And right next to the One who truly has my heart (God) is my family. My siblings and their families means more to me than my own life...not that I don’t value my life, but I would give up my life for them...no questions asked...

So my sister Milly got married this month. Oh wow, the month of August through to 12 September was without fail very eventful. Excitement, nerves, meetings, time management issues, finding the right caterers, fabrics, designing the menu, finding the venue, meeting with designers, deciding on the right design...eish Milly...I love her to bits and her and I are exceptionally close, but I am not joking when I say Milly is very indecisive. Oh man, and her new mom in-law is not going to make the planning easy either...ai man....the in-laws.

As we have no mom or dad to take up the role of parents of the bride, yours truly had to take up that role (with all the honour in the world) and I have developed so much more admiration and respect for parents. I know what they have to make though and I understand that they would not change it for anything in the world either.

Well, that is the update of the last few month in my life guys.

No in all of this it is only right that I take a holiday...right? Well, I did and that blog is imminent with some picks too. So; watch this space...

ANC vs DA

The simplest of definition of a democracy to me means that the majority rules. As South Africans we have all been given the blood earned right to make our mark during elections. The Independent Electoral Commission (IEC) has enlisted a menu of a choice for us to make our mark on, a few weeks ago. Elections are done, votes counted - So the people have spoken!

Congratulations to the African National Congress (ANC) for having won the elections fairly on a National level. May God guide our new President Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma.

For my Province (Western Cape Province) – congratulations to the Helen Zille led Democratic Alliance (DA) for a hard earned victory in the Western Cape.

Now this in my view is the result of a democratic election playing itself out. I am aware of the other Provinces in our rainbow country - but will speak only for my home. The ANC has earned their office fair and square in contesting the election – so they will rule the majority of the provinces in the Republic.

I like the fact that we have a loud opposition such as the DA to keep the ANC on their toes. Helen Zille reminds me somewhat of the story of Joan of Arc. Joan was a fearless woman who led a battalion of men into victory. It was an unusual phenomenon at the time, as women did not go into battle, let-alone lead. Sadly Joan lost her head – physically speaking.

Ms. Zille has proven herself worthy her weight in salt during her reign as the Honourable Mayor of Cape Town. She also campaigned tirelessly during electioneering. She has earned the respect of the world with (mainly) her management style. I even remember one of my lecturers a few years back speaking of her style of management in a Strategic Management study. We discussed, dissected and debated her style of management at length. I like the way she works – she certainly earned my admiration. Now, she is the Premier of the Western Cape – well done!


Mr. Zuma on the other hand has lost my respect in the past few years. I have heard him (and Zille) at many talks (live) and he certainly is very charming. However – he lost my respect because he did not honour his day in court. He asked for it – I was present when he made such a plea at a luncheon with the Cape Town Press Club in 2007. When the time came – he got his power house of attorneys and supporters of the tripartite alliance to wiggle him out of it. This tells me – in my simple layman’s mind – he has something to hide. However, I freely gave him my empathy when the media annihilated him and basically charged him before he actually went to court.

So, what now? Well, it’s very simple. The people have spoken. Jacob Zuma is the President of the Republic of South Africa! We must accept and respect that.

So, Ms. Zille you have earned your piece of the pie, and Mr. Zuma his. Let the man get on with business and you do the same. The slanderous comments where you attack his person (and insult his wives – indirectly) is just proof of the contempt you have for the ruling party. Set an example and attack the ruling party’s President on matters of governance and not what he did and apologised for publically ages ago. There are new fish to fry – start chopping the wood.

When our leaders go at each other in an undiplomatic way as you guys are, would that not set a standard for us all to follow suit? What would this country end up like if business start doing the same, then community organisations and then neighbours and children. So in the name of love and peace – renounce the name calling ( you know Julius Malema will come at you with force) and start governing. If you have evidence that the President should be convicted, bring it out for the courts to decide. Don’t lead us into a moral dilemma now, please.

I believe you both have chosen you your cabinets (on what ever level you find yourselves in office) based on your own well thought through strategic analysis – now let the people be the judges of your performance. Stop acting like spoiled brats and deliver to those who put you on your ivory towers. We all know how hard you can fall from up high – ask people like Peter what’s his name and Thabo someone or the other.

I say yes to positivity and no to mudslinging!

Making a Positive Change

It is so easy to become complacent in life. We have an income, a place to stay, basic securities (Maslow’s {basic} needs theory) checked so all is just fine and dandy. Yes I agree that these things are our basic and most essential needs, but it should not be our licence to die a boring and uneventful life. As human beings we are such divine beings that can do great and wonderful things if we just would challenge ourselves a little more.

I include myself in the above. In looking around me I see more and more people content with the fact that we’re going through recessions and economic melt-downs all around the world. So what now, do we just sit back and admire our the wealthy and successful and remain spectators of our own demise? Again, (ashamed to admit) I find myself very much a part of that clan.

Discipline will challenge complacency which will result in us not just accepting mediocrity. Even as a child; I loathed mediocrity. However, here I am infected by the pandemic of absolute laziness. Lord; help me – laziness makes my skin crawl. It is unacceptable on all levels.

Hard work on the other hand is a nasty swear word. After all, slavery was abolished ages ago. Human rights is the new vogue. It is my human right to have a job, a house, a car, to protest, to say no, to make others suffer – yes I said it! Your and my laziness makes others suffer.

In South Africa we have successfully cultivated a custom of maximum expectation with the least possible commitment. We are an ill society of lazy bums that will be the cause of our own demise if we don’t wake up from this everlasting slumber.

Now; I find this sort of moaning rather repugnant and somewhat negative, so let me try and swing this blog to a more positive angle.

As adults we know that there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way of doing things. Why do we continue or insist on doing onto others what we would not like to be done onto us? Let’s wake up and make a positive difference in our own lives so it would in a similar way affect the lives of others.

Fundamentally; we must first and most importantly realise and accept we are totally responsible for our life. Second to that we must realise that our life has an effect (directly and indirectly) on others around us. So the foundation principle here is to realise we must respect ourselves and other sufficiently. This way we will be motivated to work hard, commit to a mechanism of team work and commit to establishing realistic and realisable goals. This would give life more meaning and greater purpose.

We need also realise we are preparing a route for the generation that follows us. Now we can all sit back and point fingers, but that would not get us very far. It’s time for action – stop the blame game!

When we take responsibility for our lives, we will live more happily and more pleasing lives. If we apply the needed discipline, take the incumbent responsibility for our lives and choices we can be sure we will benefit great joy in our lives. We might even be able to have greater control over our situations.

It is extremely important for us to understand that we are responsible in every way for our own lives. We are answerable for our own actions in a court of law – so too in the law of life.

Stop blaming the past! Stop making excuses for why you did or did not do something! Eliminate negative thinking. Eliminate negative influences/people in your life’s space.

Become aware of your weaknesses and work with them so they don’t cripple you. Become aware of your thoughts, and eliminate destructive thoughts. Speak good fortune over your own life and that of others. This all holds immense power.

Most importantly – wake up each day with a new hope, a new meaning, and a new song in your heart. Have the attitude of positivity. Be joy, be happy, be laughter, be kindness, be motivated, be disciplined, be responsible.

Be the change you want to see in the world – Mahatma Ghandi

Change is not as scary as it may seem. Look at the butterfly or the tale of the ugly duckling....

Peace x o x o x o

D