81st Oscars

This year 2009 Hollywood celebrated its 81st Oscars in honouring actors, directors, screenwriters, set designers, artistic directors etc. These are of course very important people in the movie industry that takes gazillions or Rands every year at the box offices here in South Africa and abroad. But my favourite part of the Oscars is of course what everyone is wearing and how uncomfortable other seems in what they’ve poured themselves into.

Take for instance this dress the bootylicious songstress is wearing. She does not look particularly relaxed, but poised indeed. The fashionista’s frock looks as if it’s made from upholstery fabric taken out a camp lounge. Not one of her better looks I'd say.

Then again look at Vanessa Hudgens of the “High School Musical fame in her version of a mermaid gown and you see elegance with less effort.

Unlike the girls there is very little we can do to the guys, as the tuxedo is the tuxedo. However look at Hugh Jackman the host of the evening and see how dapper a man can make a tux and bowtie flow over his body.

And then you have the waitron’s suit on James Franco who appeared in Milk with winner for Best Actor – Shaun Penn. Now he looks just sad – maybe he thought he was attending a funeral. Bad look for such a pristine event.

Congratulations to all the designers of all the fabulous gowns and ensembles. Also to the organizers of the event who gets very little recognition for their obvious dedication and immaculate (at times) planning and show-casings. Last but not least – to all of those that walked off with a statuette – BRAVO!

Questions to the heart in me

Why is it that the moment I think I’m making progress, I get pulled right back just to be disappointed by some universal message or the other? How do I move on from here? What in my life makes matters of the heart so hard to deal with?

Time to break this fall once and for all! Moving on swiftly...

Watch this space.

My Valentine - August Rush

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m watching August Rush for the umpteenth time. Not a stellar production, but the story line stirred my heart a real deal. It’s a movie about an orphaned young boy’s hope and persistent belief in one-day connecting with his parents. He is the fruit of the loins of a couple of musicians that met by fate – mom a cellist and dad an amateur rock star. Mom become with child after the one and only night she met dad – they never see each other again... Mom never gets to hold or see baby...the lovers are separated by their different lives...It has a remarkable ending.

It seems that as people we are conditioned to believe that we’re not allowed to make mistakes. We are taught and so we believe that we are not allowed to show we’re vulnerable. This is exactly the time we forget how to live and be the pure and loving beings we’re set out or designed to be. How many people are alive around us, but cease to exist in the truest sense of life. How many people “die a living death” in their 30’s and 40’s because they are conditioned by their fears and superficial lifestyles. - Pre-conditioned by the greed and cocked-up notions of this world. They “live” only to pay their bills and to show off the latest creation/purchase of their credit cards. This barricades true happiness because they forget how to justly live with love in their hearts. They forget to have love for their neighbours and even their own friends and family. Yes I have lived, seen and experienced this first-hand a gazillion times.

If we can learn to accept our mistakes, work on these mistakes and make things better instead of concealing them or running from them we would become a better people. We would have better interpersonal relationships and consequently better interaction with our loved-ones, siblings, neighbours, colleagues and even the stranger on the street. It is my wish that we would all live to see our own true potential. I dream of healthy conflict to better relations and an eradication of religious and political wars – as the latter two spins of into the social spheres of life. This is unfortunate and inevitable.

Where am I going with all of this? Well...later in the movie the boy is asked: “what do you want to be in the world...in the whole world...” and the boy answers: ...”found”. A very simple wish for an orphan boy is it not? A very profound and unpretentious wish indeed. If you should ask me what my wish is today, I would answer you...given another chance...

“I will love again; even though it takes a lifetime to get over you...I will love again...” A quote from a song I love for years now. Every time I hear that song I sing those words with absolute conviction.

Maybe we all have to pay a costly price at some time in our life to realise the value of what we had to pay for. I certainly have. I can hear my granny saying; “no use crying over spilled milk” and my mom echoing; “you only miss the water when the well runs dry”. These were two unschooled but very wise women God had blessed me with. May their memories and wise words live long in this pumping heart of mine.

Happy Valentine’s Day xxx “Boy-Again” – you know who you are xxx

Orphaned by Love...

God and I

This would be the first official posting I’ve put on here regarding my relationship with God - in somewhat detail. Just this morning I woke up and realised I have to write this post, and again in my normal style of writing – without any specific outcome in mind. I ask you to please bear with me as it is quite important for me to actually say this out “loud”

I’ve made a conscious choice a little while back to live my life in a way God expects me to live. How do I know what God wants of me I hear you ask? Well, I am born and raised in a Christian home and my teachings of all my life had resurfaced in exhibitions, revelations, sporadic encounters and such that seemed too pure to not be from a Super Natural Being – yes GOD! This in respect to how and what I am taught as a Christian from my days of childhood.

No I am not converted, as I have always been a Christian by birth. Yes I am reborn as by my teachings I have learned that we have to be baptised just like Jesus was baptised by John as an adult fully submerged in water – and this in essence is me reborn.

At the moment though I struggle to allow myself to put God where He should be in my life – in the position of authority He is by default in any respect. As the creator of heaven and earth and all in it, He is a God Almighty... Now all I need to do is pray and work on cleansing my corrupt mind and surrender to what is God’s power in my life as appose to that of my own perceived power.

I am now trying anew to learn about God’s laws and commandments in the life of Donovan G. R. Muller. My desire and aspiration is to include God in all that I do and to be obedient in as much as my fallible self can and will allow.

The greatest commandment is to love God by keeping His commandments. Matthew 22:36-38 says, "'Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment.'"

So here I am with certain realities I have to face, certain sacrifices I have to make and even more so realisations I must reach. This all is possible if I allow God His rightful place in my life. Yes no-one said it would be easy, but no-one told me it would be this much of a challenge either.

However, be this all as it may – it is clear and evident to me through conviction that obedience is very important in my Christian development and growth. Don’t get me wrong, I am certainly not claiming to be sanctified or righteous. Even less so without fault or sin. The truth is, because I am so sinful I need to be able to lay my burdens down at a place where I know I stand a good chance to be redeemed. Where else, but at the feet of the Lord?

Valentine’s Day

Many of us celebrate St. Valentine’s day through out the world on 14th February each year. On this day we traditionally exchange gift and cards as tokens of our love for our partners. The most common gifts by this day’s traditions would of course be chocolates, red roses, sexy underwear, etc... People float about with big smiles on their faces, wearing clothes of red and white and making last minute dinner arrangements.

I’ve once read that about 1 billion cards are sold yearly (world wide) to commemorate this day. Now this is probably the biggest holiday in exchanging cards after Christmas Day if you ask me. The price of Red Roses are also double the price then they normally are, because lo-and –behold if you don’t get home with those roses Mr....Anyway, nothing wrong with making an extra buck or 2 is there. Well, my sister would disagree. She’s happily married to her husband and they do not celebrate Valentine’s Day, because they believe this day should happen everyday any-way. Each to their own I say.

I’m a sucker for love anyway. I love love and am the type that falls in-love every-time as if it’s the first time. I can even fall in love with a gold fish. There’s much to be said about this matter, as I have come across quite a few people in my life that claims that they have fallen in love only once and that was that. Most of these people that I know of are no longer with the one’s they claim they have fallen in love with that once. So, perhaps they were just hurt and did not allow themselves to get over that hurt and move on. Falling in love is such a wonderful thing in my opinion.

The way I see it, Valentine’s day is to collectively spread the spirit of love and a day you can go all out expressing your love to that special person you find yourself spending a great deal of time with. It’s the one day in the year you can embarrass yourself completely in the name of love by making some foolish romantic gestures come to life. In essence all the gifts you give in and over time are no greater than the gift of love. There is no substitute for the treasure of another’s heart.

So from me to you,

What About Discipline?

Definition: A branch of knowledge
A system of rules of conduct or method of practice
A trait of being well behaved
Training to improve strength of self-control
The act of punishing
Controlled behaviour; Self-Control; A systematic method of obtaining obedience.
These are but a few definitions I could find, add your own.

What the Bible Says about Discip
Proverbs 10 v 17 (New Living Translation)
People who accepts discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray.

Proverbs 13 v 1 (New Living Translation)
A wise child accepts a parents discipline; a mocker refuses to listen to correction

Proverbs 15 v 32 (New Living Translation)
If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.

There are a few more passages in the Bible on the subject – I chose these three.

By these few definitions and passages from the Bible as examples of what discipline is one can safely assume discipline brings order in our homes, place of work, education and life in general. Without an equitable sum of instilled disciplines in life and practice things would be chaotic and without course for us to resolve by fair action. We cannot all be mavericks, though I believe they too have a place in all of life’s symmetricalnesses.

We’ve all heard the saying “bend the tree while it’s still young” which is often meant in reference to an unruly child. Children are such joy (says I with none of my own) as I observe them grow from baby’s, to toddlers, to teens and see the transformation as discipline becomes a part of their upbringing. However, we all have seen how children behave when they are not disciplined. We’ve seen them in shopping malls’; banks and even restaurants amongst other places. Many-a-time I have felt like going to the parent of this (wild) child/ren and say – you are allowed to use assertiveness and/or a firm stance in raising your child you know. But as soon as that thought arise I can imagine getting that parent’s brunt of frustration taken out on me. No thanks! So suck it up, and go on with your life like it never happened. However, concern with a hint of anxiety eminently arises when you think that these kids are the future adults of this beautiful space called life.

Yes, let kids be kids, but let’s help them become better kids and even better adults and discipline them in a fair and healthy manner. I have a little niece (my cousin’s daughter actually) that is a little recusant – and will not listen to anyone – and will sooner throw a tantrum and cause a scene that other’s may think she is being murdered. She is 5 (will soon be six) and have done this since she was about 2 or 3 years old. Her parents and grandparents would just walk away from her and allow her to do as she pleases. Now I’m sorry, but I do not agree with that sort of upbringing.

One day at a family get-together my little princess (as I refer to her and her sister alike) decided to do finger paintings with the dips and feed the goldfish crisps (at the house of our hosts). When I saw this I immediately became outraged and took her gently onto my lap and looked her into the eye and told her that what she did was unacceptable and will not be tolerated. While her mom and grandmother came to her rescue, the dad left the room. Now imagine a very uncomfortable silence as everyone waits for the disciplinarian (yours truly) to bring this unruly child into a tantrum fit. I gave mom and gran a look of “butt out” and little princess started crying and going ape like a little rebel should. I did not let go and I brought her very calmly back to order. I spoke to her like I believe it should have been done before I had to take action. Well, she’s still a tantrum queen with her parents and grandparent, but a princess of note in my presence. She often asks her parents to bring her to me so she can visit. She now loves her uncle Donny and shows exemplary behaviour whilst still being a child with crazy antics. Now it’s my 2 year old nephews turn. He picked up a swear word or 2 at day-care and knows it’s wrong to say it but still does. Well Uncle Donny got hold of him too – let’s see how he’s language progresses. I’d rather have him speak the 11 official languages I have never learned to speak than to have him utter any nonsense.

Now as adults – we too lack discipline in many aspects of our lives. And because of that factor it rubs off on our kinds and ultimately our future.

Here’s a thought from a daddy wanna be: We need children to make good youthful choices to enable them to make good adult decisions. So let’s teach our young ones the discipline they so need, so we can eventually sit back and take the credit for a healthy society in our days of age. What do you think?

The Relationship as a COUPLE

An intimate relationship can be a very complex thing if not approached and dealt with in the all-important manner that it requires. One would imagine that after having experienced many relationships in the past one would become somewhat an “expert” on the topic by reason of encounters. Then why are there an ever increasing number of bed-hopping, break-up and make-ups, divorce, etc.? Then on the flip side of the coin the question begs to be asked – why do childhood sweethearts, first loves, etc. last?

I’m of the opinion that many people are the cause of their own heartbreak and love TKO’s. Some feel that they are not entitled to be loved for who they are – may that be on a conscious on subconscious level. Others just don’t love themselves enough to allow another into their hearts and lives. The psychology of this matter is probably so immense and intricate that one would hear various theories on the matter of falling in love and staying there long enough to build a life with the other person. Which brings me to a whole lot of questions actually...?

1. What attracts people to one another?
We’ve all heard the terms “physical attraction” and “love at first sight”. Can one actually fall in love with another at first glimpse? How do you know you are in love with a person without knowing the attributes that person possesses? There are no definite answers to these questions as the sceptics and idealists are still debating the in’s and out’s thereof. The idea of meeting someone and immediately falling in love with that person sure does sound romantic. Imagine logging your eyes on the other person and feeling those feelings of euphoria. Butterflies; little droplets of sweat while there’s an obvious breeze in there air; shortness of breath. All sounds a bit far fetched if you think about it. Yet so many people claim to have experienced that phenomenon. So let’s rest that the verdict is still out on that one.

Then there’s physical attraction. We all have the image of our perfect “Barbie” or “Ken” in our mind. The type we look at when sitting in a restaurant that makes us look again and say hmmmm – to ourselves of course. However that is different in such that you’re in love with an idea more than with the person as appose to the afore mentioned point. It is like going to a fast food place whilst being on a diet and just checking out the menu. You then remind yourself (internally) of what you’re not allowed to have for it might be deadly – especially if your diet means you’re in a commitment with another.

2. Do opposites really attract?
Initially the person that are most UNLIKE you would seem attractive in the sense of what seems socially interesting it appears. "If the qualities that attract you to someone are different from your own, be cautious," says Dr. Neil Clark Warren, clinical psychologist and author of "Date or Soul Mate”. Then it is safe to assume opposites attract for a short while only – until you start driving each other up the wall. Having a few characteristics and interests different from your partner’s could bring about a healthy dose of freedom too one can imagine. While the one is out playing golf the other is out playing squash, because this is what they enjoy separately. But now if the one likes to go clubbing and the other prefers the opera you might find it a bit a of a challenge to find an equilibrium. How would you share the stereo and what would you listen to when you are together? Doing the different sport however could mean time apart (after all absence makes the heart grow fonder) but coming home sharing your separate experiences of the day and arranging dinner together with your sport partner and their significant other. The difference here could expand the relationship into a social dynamic that could keep the spark alive. Subtle difference is therefore manageable and probably even necessary. Too much of an opposite could just leave a bad taste in the mouth...

3. How much must two people have in common to make it work and last?
Here, sharing social interests and activities are as important as reciprocal respect. Both parties must have a mutual interest in keeping the relationship alive and share goals in growing the relationship in partnership as a unit. They must be able to talk about anything and everything and really listen and hear each other out. There is of course no such thing as 50/50 in a relationship. Both must be 100% committed – ask Dr. Phil he’ll confirm this. Enjoying the same food, movies, literature, recreational interests could not hurt either as sharing the interests becomes an imminent element of this partnership. All easier said than done though, because the selfishness of only one can throw the whole unit out of sync. Ask anyone at the divorce court. So, become more interested in the other, include the other in your interests and come to mutual agreements for the sake of the relationship and all that depend on it. A little humility cannot harm either.

4. Why is the grass greener on the other side?
As human beings we are believed to be evolutionary in manner, meaning we change our mind as we change our character. What was once good enough no longer is what we think or believe needed in our lives. So we develop what is commonly referred to as the roaming eye. It is then that we start discovering that our “Barbie” or “Ken” is not so out of reach after all. That eating from the fast food place might kill later, but what the heck – let’s live a little now! Later when the life support system is called upon, regret steps in. Too little too late then isn’t it?


5. What are the rules of a casual relationship?
This works for some more than it does for others. In translation it means – friends with “benefits”. Yes, sex without emotions attached to it. Prostitutes have it with their clients, only they get paid for it. This is dangerous as; sooner or later someone will start wanting more and one or both end up hurt. Let’s do the dirty and not have the emotional responsibility or obligation that goes with it. - Here the “couple” would hook up because they’re lonely, feel restless or just plain horny, yet feel no need to be loyal in anyway to one another. How healthy is this? How do you refer to each other? Hello there meet my friend, my fling, fuddy, the person I sleep with, someone I care enough for to “make love to” but don’t care enough for to love. Well I guess it could work if it works for both. Not the safest bet if you’re as an emotional being as some.


So in essence I conclude that one should first have a sound relationship with self and once that is established will we draw people of same mind set to us to start a fresh relationship of sort we desire. We can then work on it mutually and see it grow from strength to strength.

Barack Obama – The Global President in the USA

This is a day we can all sigh with relief as America and the world looks at fundamental change is leadership. With Barack & Michelle Obama in the White House we can be assured that the issue of race discrimination will be an in your face issue for as long as the Obama’s will reign and hopefully beyond. I pray that the wave of change washes us clean from all the prejudice way of thinking. Maybe this is exactly the time for us to change our mindset and become an all inclusive nation of the world.


Like the late struggle icon – Rev. Martin Luther King Jnr. – said; “Judge a man by the content of his character and not the colour of his skin”. This was a man with a mighty voice and spirit and would not give up his fight and believe in justice for all. In his famous – I had a dream – speech he said; “But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice”. He believed that one day equality shall reign and all will have the same grounds in their pursuit to happiness. Barack Obama cashed his check and today will reap the reward that is rightfully his through what he had sown. Barack Obama’s victory is a milestone for all of us of colour and indeed a stepping stone to eradicate the racial divide for all of colour and all who is white. I love the fact that President Obama knows and says it out loud, he cannot walk alone and therefore called on all Americans – in the same breath all should realise they cannot turn back. Thank you Martin Luther King for providing sustenance for all African American to believe in and for sacrificing your life in doing what we all believe is right. One more quote from Rev. King Jnr.

“I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."
That day has come and it is today where the world of politics will never be the same since the release of our very own Nelson Mandela from his unfair imprisonment. Today the Americans too will experience true freedom.

Today the world will take a page from the book of the USA and we will learn how it is done by the leading nation of the world. Maybe now I too will learn to love America. Maybe my mindset about American mentality will change too. President Obama your plate is full, yet I believe your cup runneth over.

God Bless the Obama’s. God Bless this world we live in. God Bless Africa, America, Asia and all the other continents this day. May peace reign!

Mr. Loyiso Bala – Artist Extraordinaire

Yesterday was an awesome day as almost weeks of anticipation reached absolute climax. It was the concert of Loyiso Bala which had both men and woman stunned by his suave moves on stage and golden voice in true star performance. Coming from a musical familial back ground (raised in the Eastern Cape) shined through in the absolute vocal confidence of this heartthrob of a performer

Loyiso has always been one of my favourite South African R&B male artists. This dude went to Drakensburg High where one must no doubt be able to put a nightingale to shame when you open your mouth to sing before you’re even allowed to set foot in the all boys school grounds. So did the 2 brothers (big bro Zwai and baby bro Phelo ) who joined Loyiso to form the R&B version of the 3 tenors – they call themselves (appropriately) the Bala Brother. These three brothers from Drakensburg Boys High rocked the crowd in Kirstenbosch yesterday in true stellar style. They gave all of us - South Africans - something to be proud of – home brewed music in the natural sanctuary (Kirstenbosch) at the foot of the majestic Table Mountain. Viva South Africa viva, Viva Ubuntu viva!

On our way home from the concert a friend said, “it’s a miracle that one set of parents can conceive and raise 3 individuals with such immense talents”. Well there is no denying that factor, because it’s not often we see that sort of collaboration in South Africa indeed. Pappa and Mamma Bala, we salute you as you may be proud of the fruits of your groins – the true blessing from an Almighty God.

Loyiso Bala my hero (only because he’s the over achiever I strive to be) is a hard working man who says he is consistent in his approach to work. He’s success has been his train following him for almost a decade in the eye of us mere public mortals. At the age of 19 Mr. Bala was the youngest National Youth Choir Conductor. Pursuing his academics at Unisa (University of South Africa) this over achiever was put in the UISA Book of Honour for achieving 95% in a music exam. He has won many SAMA (South African Music Awards), multi accolades from Metro FM. The talented Mr. Loyiso Bala also landed some practical acting roles in local series such as Back Stage and Tsha Tsha that are worth noting indeed. Being so busy with concerts, interviews, television he gave a several Albums and Singles to listen to over the past decade or so. Now at not even 30 yet, this superstar has a passport boasting of all his international travels he has under his belt. That’s not all – the rumour mill spins with stories of him doing international collaborations with internationally renowned artists in the UK and USA. Keep it up Loyiso! We your fans love you and will support you for as long as you remain a muso of star quality as you are!

Change - A Virtue

Over the years I’ve become very friendly with my doctor who was a great moral supporter of the transitions in my life. He coached me in many aspects of my methods in making business decisions as well as how to manage the emotional aspect of my private life. I suffered from depression over a period of years and did not quite know how to deal with it or what caused it. We later discovered that I’m not very good with handling change in my life. I also suffered abandonment issues in my younger years which decided to surface in my early to mid 20’s. Thanks to therapy things now have changed.

Sometimes we get so caught up with the idea of how we think our life is or should be that we don’t look at the reality of what is going on around us or even inside of us. I for example was the typical control freak with the type “A” personality to equal it. Everything had to go according to how I planned it, even the weather and my team’s health and circumstances. This all because I did not want to deal with failure or change for that matter. Much of how I planned things in the past was carved in stone and not open for change – unless I instigated and controlled that change. Needless to say I hated surprises. This of course made me a very boring and anal individual in the eyes of many. However I was still a very successful; boring and anal individual with that method. Much to be said about that I’m sure. I had a stress level of note and lived of digestives for the heartburn caused by stress and tension. Anyway, I am digressing now.

I’ve actually lost my train of thought now because I’m writing in stages and are being interrupted by calls, online chats, etc...omg...is that the type A personality coming back. Be gone satan!

Nevertheless, what I actually want to get to is that change can actually be a good and necessary mania in one’s life. Of course depending on how we decide to look at it and what we prefer to do with the needed change. The psychology of change is not very straight forward; I wish to challenge those who states the contrary. Change is scary to anyone, whether we wish to admit and acknowledge that factor or not.

Change is not essentially a bad thing and it does not have to be daunting or difficult either. (Of course it all depend on the level of change, I’m not completely daft J) Change comes with a desire to transform and that could mean one thing – improvement. Change does not always have to be enforced if we embrace it a little easier. The good news here is the only person that can change YOUR mind is YOU! Change is impossible if you don’t allow or accept it. Our minds are really more powerful than we realise in such that it has the ability to create perceptions for us. If our mind says change is creepy, change will appear creepy no doubt. If we allow ourselves to be crippled by our minds and give in to limited thinking, guess what – the result is obvious. By limiting our thinking we limit our experiences and hence our personal growth and development is destined to these limitations. We can all start changing the way you think by embracing change.

Change does not have to be the boogy man under the bed or the werewolf of that pathetic movie you once saw. Start believing that you are change and that you can be the change you want to see (hey Ghandi said that!). Now it is important to realise that change does not happen over night, nor does embracing change. So realise that change is a process and that it will take time. You can bet that it will take you places you've never dreamt of either. So, buckle up and enjoy the ride and the people you’re bound to meet on the journey too, as change becomes an inclusive matter. Change can be exciting and very empowering if embraced in a positive manner. Life in itself is complex enough we don’t need to make it harder than it is. My mom always told me; life is not as easy as pie, but it also does not have to be as hard as my head. I never understood what she meant by that – still not sure if I do.

So; I wish to encourage you today to accept change. Become that changed person!
Change your negatives and turn them into positives
Turn your fears into fearlessness.
Become the victor instead of the victim.
Conquer and face up to your suppressions.
Turn the imbalances into balances (just like I did with my former type “A personality”)
Become converted into a whole and discard the brokenness.
Let the ill thoughts become wholesome and constructive ones by realising these are ill thoughts.

And for a CHANGE – let me know what you think of my BLOG.