Stumbling Blocks

From time to time life can drive you mad – making you feel abandoned, without help and alone. Whilst I’m writing this blog; going through an exceptionally challenging time in my life - both personally and professionally. Sometimes it feels as if we take 1 step forward just to be pushed 2 steps back. This scenario is all too familiar to me. What’s the diagnosis? Well, sometimes it’s as plain as fear of change. We can get so set in our ways that we forget to look at changing our options.

Change is the one thing I know to be constant. We can try all we want to come against the wave of change, but we must realise we will not succeed. Change is inevitable as we as human beings are designed to be evolutionary. If we want to survive and live a relatively stress free life, we must accept the things we cannot change. Go with the current of change instead of against it. This way – less effort to overcome the stumbling blocks.

When we come against these stumbling blocks, we tend to become downcast or even disheartened. At this stage we’re just about ready to throw in the towel, geared up to engage in a pity party and ask...why me? About now in the challenge you would feel it would be easier to give up. But that is the problem right there – it’s too easy to give up. In my humble opinion stumbling blocks are the future “in hind sight” lessons.

We don’t want to experience challenges due to fear of failure - alas it’s the challenges that makes us strong. Why do we fear failure? We fear failure, because that is how we were programmed in school. Growing up we learn that failure is bad. If you failed at anything at school, you could be sure that there would be penalty – or even punishment! Challenge + fear = failure which is the equivalent of weak. Right? Wrong!

Fear of failure restricts us, no end. Fear of failure makes us hate stumbling blocks. Fear of stumbling blocks cause us to become complacent and content with mediocrity. Failure in my humble opinion makes us stronger providing we learn from our mistakes.

For my part; I enjoy dreaming. Most my goals are based on dreams. If you can conceive it, work hard at it and you can be it. I would like to encourage you to bring what’s full of meaning; deep within your heart to the light. HOW? Don’t give up on your dreams and or goals. Have courage. Keep having faith in the results while riding through the storm.

Keep believing in your ability to reach your dreams and realising your goals – even if it is against all odds. Don’t give up on yourself or your dreams. Look your stumbling blocks square in the eyes. Find a confidant, mentor or sounding board and talk about your challenges – every one goes through ups and downs. For greater results see the finish line and visualise how all things will work out for the greater good of all concerned. Do what you do with the benefits for others in mind too. Even if people let you down, don’t give up.

Understand being let down is part of life and that it aids you growing stronger and wiser. Believe in your ability to gain victory. Victory comes in time. Every step, every leap of faith takes you closer to fulfilling your dreams and destination. Even with the stumbling blocks. Best wishes!

Sweet Things

Someone who takes pleasure in eating sweet treats is referred to a sweet tooth. These folk more often than not find their daily fixes already at the break of day with fruit, yoghurt, cereal, sugar in coffee, etc. Then comes teatime – and you’ll catch them in with a muffin, toast/crackers with jam, biscuits, etc in hand. Does this sound familiar or is it only my diet that consists of these sorts of sugary foods?

I live a very active daily life. My schedule is busy socially, active in business as well as within voluntary organisations. This of course leaves me feeling well rewarded, yet often tired. I try and go to gym at least 3 days a week (if my schedule allows) too, so I need to stick to a healthy diet. My diet usually consists of fibre, protein, carbohydrates and good fats. I stay away from deep friend junk food as much as possible.

However, I have a sweet tooth that often leaves me desperate. I love chocolates, cup cakes, fudge, ice-cream and dessert of all sorts. As South African’s we have a huge variety of confectionery treats as we are truly a rainbow nation getting our influence from all over the world. My late gran was a baker of note, so growing up we were spoilt for choice with homemade treats. This spoiling unfortunately left deep tracks in my habits today still. In fact, as I write this blog I am eating chocolates and have polished a chunk of fudge after my evening meal.

Now, there is nothing wrong with enjoying sweet things, as long as its not an obsession or some sort of addiction. Listen to me justifying ...I fear I am closer to addiction and further surpassed obsession.

Relationships

I come from a very loving family back ground. Our financial position may not always have allowed us the means to buy each other cool gifts, but we learned how to show love to one another without reservation. As siblings we hug and kiss each other all the time and are never uncomfortable in showing affection. It's also the little things that count, like sending each other encouraging sms's or "love-emails". Sometimes we treat each other to a home cooked lunch, from time to time a braai or whatever creative way comes to mind. We never buy each other gifts we cannot afford - and most certainly don't buy each other stuff we don't need. Loving each other come naturally to us - especially the siblings. Love is not commercial and cannot be bought.

(in the pic - my sisters and me at our youngest sister's [school] valedictory)


Because of this foundation of love I have received at home, I have a natural confidence in who I am. It is good to surround one's self with lovable people as it boosts self esteem and grants confidence to give and receive love. How are we supposed to love people out there if we have not experienced love at home?I challenge you to love your family more. Love in relationships (family, friendship, romance, professional, etc.) is an important basis for respect, growth and development. Love, (I'm afraid to say) has been cheapened. People confess love too easily...oh I love your car, I love your hat, oh I love your smile, I love your life, I love Whitney Houston, I love chocolate, etc, etc.

A while ago, I met someone that did not get love, affection, and attention she desired or needed from her family. When we met, she was exposed to my friends and family who loves naturally. My new friend was completely smitten by this exposure of pure and healthy levels of love she was now welcomed into. She could not believe that people are really able to love the way we do. She wanted to be a part of this love revolution she now was exposed to - and we wanted her in on it too.

However, this story has a sad twist to it. My new friend became selfish and possessive and did not want to share me with anyone anymore. She also did not like me sharing my love with my other friends - in case I run out of love for our friendship and even her. Her selfish ways made our relationship septic. Things became so bad that this friend started idolising me. I knew I was heading for trouble and the need for intervention was imminent.

This lady (friend I am sharing about) wanted me to deal with and address her every emotional need. She wanted me to edify her and affirm her several times a day - and if I didn't, all hell would break loose. Of course i couldn't understand her need or relate to her insecurity. So, (to add to the challenge) during the time we were developing and nurturing a friendship, I met (by design) a young boy who (through sad and unfortunate circumstances) ended up being homeless and living on the streets. This youngster (15 years old at the time) has had a good upbringing, good schooling and is well spoken. He made a big impression on me and I was convicted to help him. As I started mentoring and caring for this youth, my friend started feeling neglected. To make a very long story short (perhaps another blog) my lady friend started "elbowing" the youth out the way. He was (I assume by her actions) taking up her place in my life, so he had to go...She started looking for all sorts of reasons and excuses not to have the young one around. She acted out in many ways that made her appear jealous and insecure. We all have a level of insecurity and jealousy within us, and should never allow it to overpower us or ruin our relations with others.

Consequently; dear reader, my lady friend inadvertently sabotaged our relationship. Now it is possible that there are many other reasons we may arrive at to justify the failed relationship, but I tell you the truth - she sabotaged the relationship. Because she was not used to being loved, she did not understand how to deal with the love she received. She started telling people all kinds of stories making her appear the victim and me the villain. When you don't know how to give or receive love, life can seem a very dim, but often hostile place. I still am able to love my lady friend, even though our friendship is endangered.

This account is just one (most recent) example i can use from what I have observed and experienced. In my 36 years in this life I have observed many such and similar cases. I enjoy observing and studying people and behaviour. The truth is, it is time we take off our rosy coloured glasses and admit that we are hurting ourselves and maybe even allowing ourselves to be hurt. Hurting people hurt people. What makes me an expert? Life does - live and learn on this journey.

Pride stops us from forgiving, admitting it's our fault and saying I'm sorry. My friend is not able to see that she is hurting me, herself and our friendship, because, these to her are normal challenges. Come on Donny, what's the big deal, let's forget about it (for now). Let's go for a coffee, a drink, dinner and it will be forgotten (for now). No can't do lady friend - fix what is broke (within) first. I love you, but cannot be a part of a destructive relationship. Forgive me, but I don't enjoy hurting you or being hurt by you....we should move on. Let us uproot pride and replace it with humility so love may flourish for goodness sake. That's how can we make things better in this life?

Destroy pride, before it does you...

I give myself the right to love others and I allow myself to receive love from others.

What’s going on?
For the past few months I have been actively setting up my business. I have found 2 partners and meeting with various potential associates. Starting up a business can be fun and at the same time challenging.

The Legal dynamics:
Getting the business registered took me the better part of three months and that is simply because CIPRO had a back log of months. Only when we have received our registration documents could we open up our bank account. And only once we have opened up a bank account could we apply for tax clearance. Tax clearance has also taken up the best of 10 weeks now. Without a tax clearance certificate we can forget about doing tenders.

People dynamics:
And while all the bureaucracy is in process, my partners and I are setting up business systems, prototypes and encounetring miner personality clashes and insignificant power struggles.

Business dynamics:
This case I believe is only in preparation for what awaits this business. My vision has been given to me by supernatural intervention and I am to cause a revolution in the business world with the products and services our business offers. We believe that the human capital is what drive business and that the two are co-dependant. This may seem like an obvious statement to make, but the current state of affairs proofs the opposite. Labour in RSA is still seen as a commodity by many instead of a fair trade of skills/time for money. We have an empowerment model that we will implement that will change the cause of events in business.

It is true that SMME drives the economy and also decreases the level of unemployment. However, the sad reality is that more than 80% of all SMME are liquidated or deregistered within the 1st five years of their existence. I personally believe that this is based on simple reasons of mismanagement and greed.

I trust and believe that business in Cape Town will influence business in South Africa which will have an effect on Africa to show the world we are not irrelevant! Can I hear an Amen.