Relationships

I come from a very loving family back ground. Our financial position may not always have allowed us the means to buy each other cool gifts, but we learned how to show love to one another without reservation. As siblings we hug and kiss each other all the time and are never uncomfortable in showing affection. It's also the little things that count, like sending each other encouraging sms's or "love-emails". Sometimes we treat each other to a home cooked lunch, from time to time a braai or whatever creative way comes to mind. We never buy each other gifts we cannot afford - and most certainly don't buy each other stuff we don't need. Loving each other come naturally to us - especially the siblings. Love is not commercial and cannot be bought.

(in the pic - my sisters and me at our youngest sister's [school] valedictory)


Because of this foundation of love I have received at home, I have a natural confidence in who I am. It is good to surround one's self with lovable people as it boosts self esteem and grants confidence to give and receive love. How are we supposed to love people out there if we have not experienced love at home?I challenge you to love your family more. Love in relationships (family, friendship, romance, professional, etc.) is an important basis for respect, growth and development. Love, (I'm afraid to say) has been cheapened. People confess love too easily...oh I love your car, I love your hat, oh I love your smile, I love your life, I love Whitney Houston, I love chocolate, etc, etc.

A while ago, I met someone that did not get love, affection, and attention she desired or needed from her family. When we met, she was exposed to my friends and family who loves naturally. My new friend was completely smitten by this exposure of pure and healthy levels of love she was now welcomed into. She could not believe that people are really able to love the way we do. She wanted to be a part of this love revolution she now was exposed to - and we wanted her in on it too.

However, this story has a sad twist to it. My new friend became selfish and possessive and did not want to share me with anyone anymore. She also did not like me sharing my love with my other friends - in case I run out of love for our friendship and even her. Her selfish ways made our relationship septic. Things became so bad that this friend started idolising me. I knew I was heading for trouble and the need for intervention was imminent.

This lady (friend I am sharing about) wanted me to deal with and address her every emotional need. She wanted me to edify her and affirm her several times a day - and if I didn't, all hell would break loose. Of course i couldn't understand her need or relate to her insecurity. So, (to add to the challenge) during the time we were developing and nurturing a friendship, I met (by design) a young boy who (through sad and unfortunate circumstances) ended up being homeless and living on the streets. This youngster (15 years old at the time) has had a good upbringing, good schooling and is well spoken. He made a big impression on me and I was convicted to help him. As I started mentoring and caring for this youth, my friend started feeling neglected. To make a very long story short (perhaps another blog) my lady friend started "elbowing" the youth out the way. He was (I assume by her actions) taking up her place in my life, so he had to go...She started looking for all sorts of reasons and excuses not to have the young one around. She acted out in many ways that made her appear jealous and insecure. We all have a level of insecurity and jealousy within us, and should never allow it to overpower us or ruin our relations with others.

Consequently; dear reader, my lady friend inadvertently sabotaged our relationship. Now it is possible that there are many other reasons we may arrive at to justify the failed relationship, but I tell you the truth - she sabotaged the relationship. Because she was not used to being loved, she did not understand how to deal with the love she received. She started telling people all kinds of stories making her appear the victim and me the villain. When you don't know how to give or receive love, life can seem a very dim, but often hostile place. I still am able to love my lady friend, even though our friendship is endangered.

This account is just one (most recent) example i can use from what I have observed and experienced. In my 36 years in this life I have observed many such and similar cases. I enjoy observing and studying people and behaviour. The truth is, it is time we take off our rosy coloured glasses and admit that we are hurting ourselves and maybe even allowing ourselves to be hurt. Hurting people hurt people. What makes me an expert? Life does - live and learn on this journey.

Pride stops us from forgiving, admitting it's our fault and saying I'm sorry. My friend is not able to see that she is hurting me, herself and our friendship, because, these to her are normal challenges. Come on Donny, what's the big deal, let's forget about it (for now). Let's go for a coffee, a drink, dinner and it will be forgotten (for now). No can't do lady friend - fix what is broke (within) first. I love you, but cannot be a part of a destructive relationship. Forgive me, but I don't enjoy hurting you or being hurt by you....we should move on. Let us uproot pride and replace it with humility so love may flourish for goodness sake. That's how can we make things better in this life?

Destroy pride, before it does you...

I give myself the right to love others and I allow myself to receive love from others.